the opposite of easy.

i was just reading my past posts, and i cant believe that i seriously thought that this month and the next will be easier. I dont know what i was thinking because right now, its the opposite of easy. I really didn't think what i was going through was going to get any more harder, but boy was i wrong. having to tell your best friends, the people that really matter to you & the people you have grown unconditionallly to love that you have only a few weeks left with them. its the hardest thing i had too.. and i dont even want to imagine the day i will actually leave. the first time i had to move it was such a struggle. i remember myself crying everynight.  i used to say how much i hated it here and my life was miserable . its so ironic because now i dont want to leave at all, but i do wants whats best for my family and that means having to move.  i woke up this morning to my sister and mom packing. i really dont want to pack. its going to be as if i am packing all my memories away into a brown box. unfortunately, i am going to be forced to pack soon or later. i really want to spend as much time with my friends as i can, but at times i feel as if they want the opposite because i am leaving. i feel as if i am being pushed away since i wont be here for much longer & they want to get used to me not being around. so therefore, they kinda gradually stop talking to me. idk. i cant really expect things to go the way i want at this point. i cant expect people to act the way i want them too. its selfish and its not up to me anymore.  i just need to go with the motions & keep a smile on regardless. like i said life is unfair. and all i can do is just deal and be strong. i just need to have faith and pray that things will be okay.