Sacrifices

Someone asked me today is it hard being the oldest?

Being the eldest of my 3 younger siblings, I feel as if I'm being forced to grow up way too fast whether I like it or not. Right now, I don't yet quite understand why i have to deal with all these difficult decisions and make such sacrifices. And the fact that I am the eldest makes it even more harder, considering i have not that many elder figures to ask advice from. Instead i have to fight my battles alone. Change is something i experience a lot. And being the eldest you should expect it. Like right now, I am being told to start over again. And really on top of that a lot of things are being thrown at me I can't imagine being able to accomplish. Hardly anything is sensible, and I wish their was a force on this earth that could make it possible to makefreeze. Being the eldest you get deprived of a lot of things, just as i am having to at the moment . I am being deprived of something I really want and as the days go by I find myself wanting it more and more. As you get older you start to dislike when people say things will become easier, cause in my opinion at least.. I think It doesn't. You just have to learn how to handle the austere technicalities. Including the straining pressure from your parents, from your younger siblings, and from everyone else who expects so much of you. That is why you will find yourself maturing at a young age, which means holding on even more to that adolescent part of you.. making sure that.. you won't lose it completely.
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I know I wouldn't be having to sacrifice so much for nothing. In fact, my view on "so much" may be "nothing" to others. You have sacrificed so much for me as it is, which gives me even more the initiative to do what you ask of me. Once again I will have to put them before myself, even if that means me stepping up and being essentially brave. And as unfair as it is, I will try my best to not complain about it because, "If you truly love someone, you will sacrifice nearly everything if you had the chance too."
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It's nice to know amidst my cheerful appearance there is someone who can see past that . And knows the person I am "when everyone goes home" .... Thank you for seeing past that side of me and appreciating the imperfect, yet honest part not that many people are able to see. You made my day, my week, with those few sentences [: